


Love and Pain

by littleposies



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Gay, Heavy Angst, M/M, Pain, Sad, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, poo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:07:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29022444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleposies/pseuds/littleposies
Summary: One of Mega’s way of venting is writing down how he feels currently and try to get all that energy out. But how do you perfectly describe and write heartbreak?
Relationships: Zak Ahmed & MegaPVP, Zak Ahmed/Darryl Noveschosch, Zak Ahmed/MegaPVP
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26





	Love and Pain

**Author's Note:**

> based on Skeppy's LOH lmfao it havent even happened but here is angst

**‘I wish I could be with you.’** He mutters under his breath as the world around him gets quieter but the pitter and patter of the rain gets louder. He stares at the screen, wondering if he should. . . at least try?. . . His hand on the mouse, shaking over the link, the application to get in. The Love or Host, a game show, but a love show. Everyone was so worked up at the thought of Skeppy having a love or host, everyone was freaking out, everyone tagged BadBoyHalo, the supposed “boyfriend” of Skeppy. It was obviously a joke since Bad and Skeppy were so incredibly close that many, even a few of Skeppy's friends think that they have something more underneath.

This only adds to the unlikeliness of Skeppy ever liking _him_ back. _Him_ , doesn't refer to Badboyhalo. It refers to the half-broken, soft oak skinned man with black hair behind his computer. With bags under his drained hazel eyes, them being red from crying and his soft puff of foundation makeup that was supposed to cover his bags had washed off because of his salty tears. With Skeppy most likely being straight, and everyone being so used to seeing Skeppy with Badboyhalo, it would so come off as a shock if Skeppy would ever fall for someone that wasn't Bad.

Whichever girl Skeppy gets, Mega hopes he's happy. 

If his love is happy, he's happy too. He wished he told him sooner, but his fear of rejection and awkwardness would make everything worse. He sees him on a daily basis, should he have to live through the shame and embarrassment of a memory that would replay in his head over and over every time he sees Skeppy? The horrid image of a rejected confession? The anxiety? The fear? Mega knew if he told anyway, Skeppy would never judge who he was. He would accept Mega's sexuality, but not as a partner. And that hurt. His cursor turned into a pointing index, hovering so closely, one click and he would be brought to the google document form and he could fill it out. But—

_**‘** Ladies if you're interested— **’**_

Said the tweet. Mega never stood a chance. Should he get a voice changer? Get a makeover? Pull a F1NN5TER and just try? _Try?_ Fool his love? And be shunned away? Embarrassed. Once again. Mega punched himself lightly on the head with both hands, tears threatening to break out the confines of his eyelids, he was holding back a dam. 

‘Fuck.’ Mega swore, wiping away his tears and shaking a bit. 

_I love him more than any of you. None of you have what we have. You may not see it, because it's private you idiots. But I don't have to show my appreciation for him to the public. If people see me as an asshole so be it, I love Zak more than anything and anyone. If he finds a love, someone, who isn't me, that's fine._

‘No it's not, stop lying to yourself you fucking bumblecunt.’ Mega whispered to himself. Had he known he'd go through such the common issue of: a member in the LGBTQ+ community, falling for their best friend. It made sense, your best friend was the person you spent time with, they were your best and you loved them. Mega loved him. And as he had stated to himself before, _more than anyone else. Anyone._ He fell in love with the wrong people. Ones that weren't available for him or ones that wouldn't think twice of being with him. It hurt so much. It squeezed his heart, god, what is he to do? He wanted to be desperate, message Austin and beg to be in the Love Or Host, but he knew he would be politely turned down. Even yet there was the worst, he would be humiliated. Would Austin bring news like, ‘Oh, your friend MegaPVP wanted to be in your Love Or Host, weird right?’ and laugh about it with Skeppy? Would Skeppy laugh _at_ Mega? Mega had too much love, it had now come against him. He berated himself, beat himself up, told himself he was a fucking idiot for thinking he had any chance if he didn't have tits or a pussy. He hated it, hated himself.

But he did make a final decision. He would watch, standby, see if anything special happens. See if he can catch the girl that laid eyes on Skeppy first, see if they blossom into something, hopefully not into the situation of CallMeCarson and you know who, I don't remember her name. Both of them sank. Mega would tune into the Love Or Host show, his friend being the male star of the show, look pretty for the ladies and see if he can land a love on a girl he lays eyes on. And Mega would watch his best friend's eyes, see as Mega watches the love of his life slip away from him. Skeppy wanted to see if he would just befriend the girl at first and then something blooms a little later down the road. God, wouldn't that be so _lovely?_ Getting to know someone, ‘I knew _him_. Years, more than the other _him_.’ And then thinking of them all the time, ‘I think about him so much, does he stay up late at night because of me like those superstitions say so?’ And then imagining yourself going out with them, spending time together, sharing touches and kisses together, ‘Too much of this. Too much. I think of him and I doing this too much. Too many times I wish we would pose for a camera and he'd put on that stupid snapchat kiss filter like always.’ And then telling them, they accept your confession and now you're their partner, ‘I wish.’ 

He is going to have to say goodbye to his love. And how would he? He's far too attached to say goodbye, a farewell, adios or bid adieu. Everything was too much. He had to move on, he knew he had to. He couldn't be in love with his best friend knowing his best friend would finally find another. There is the chance that he simply doesn't choose any girl at all, drops the whole thing and says, ‘I choose Badboyhalo!’ It would be so funny, so hilarious, Mega would look forward to that. Or maybe the girl that chooses love just stays a friend. It would be wonderful. To know that Mega would still have a chance. Idiot.

_Stupid idiot, stupid idiot, you never had one._

_Haha, LMFAO, you never did. You never did, no one would expect it and they wouldn't believe it._

_No one, no one. No one at all, all you've got is your paper and pen, write down your feelings and cry on it won't you? Go ahead, won't you?_

He would still have to do it anyway and he knew how to. His computer screen had dimmed down due to inactivity, he moved his mouse and it brightened up like a person dozing off who was shaken awake so suddenly. He goes to telegram, leaving a message for his dear friend.

**mega**

good luck on finding pussy, my g

**skeppy**

EW LMFAO WTF

but thank you meagpvp

**mega**

ur welcome

you'll finally get bitches

**skeppy**

i know isnt it exciting??

_Goodbye. I love you, more than anything in the world, Zak._

**mega**

yea about time LMFOAOD

**skeppy**

SHUT UP AHDHSHSH

**mega**

i'll watch ur LOH and laugh at you

**skeppy**

thanks for supporting me meagpvp

boutta get women for the first time

something you don't get

_Because I want you. I love girls too, but you're so lucky. Out of 7 billion people in the world and I chose you._

**mega**

man

see ya, bye

**skeppy**

bai mogopoopee!!

<3

_Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Don't give me that false hope. Don't send that heart. You absolute fucktard. You don't mean anything. You don't care, you don't care about my feelings which you're so unaware of._ **Goodbye.** _You're so hurtful, you steal my heart and don't even know it. I wish I could be more. I wish you could tell me you love me more and mean it. Why can't you mean it?! Fucking CUNT!_ **Goodbye** _. I want to be your everything, I wish I could at least get a chance there without being judged. Without having those prejudicing eyes stare deep into my back like knives. It would be a perfect opportunity for a voice and face reveal. You always ask me for that. Stupid, stupid, stupid!!_ **Goodbye** _. Why do you hurt me this way? Why are you so mean dude? Why do you have to be so fucking pretty? Why is your hair something I just wanna run my fingers through? Why can't I at least get a chance at making you mine? Why can't you love me like the way I love you?_ **Goodbye** _. You're my best friend, you know I fucking love you._

_signed,_

_Arnett, megapvp,_

—in shitty handwriting.


End file.
